Mar/102
Use of another site’s content; More at 11
I hate the news. You know how you felt when you first tasted Fun Dip? I feel the opposite way about cable news. I'll see a news headline online and think, "well, remind me to kick myself in the dick if I watch the 26 hour a day news coverage of this. I'm sure Wolf Blitzer knows a way to slow down Earth's rotation to create more airtime for that gray beard of wonder and whatever minute details of worthless story he has." .. I hate the news.
(Note: NSFW. Liberal usage of 'bullshit.' And no, I'm not talking about how Fox News describes the other news networks.)
Mar/106
I’M HERE TO RAAAAAAAAAAAGE
I'm so pissed off right now that I had to put some pants on!
For those without PS3s/Girls: On Monday, the Playstation 3 had an error that made it think it was February 29th, 2010. Check your iCal and tell me if you notice anything. Right - it doesn't exist. Now check your old Rugrats calendar. December 31st, 1999 DOES exist. So, the PS3 decided it should reset its calendar back to that day (before the PS2 was even created), which doesn't match what Sony's network had. Sooo, essentially older PS3s were useless for a little under a day. And this guy wanted to tell you how angry it made him:
The sad part? After I heard the news, my first thought was "this could be my shot for 15 minutes of internet fame." I thought if I could muster up enough faux nerd-rage, I could finally make the front page of Digg. Then.. a challenger appeared.
and I really don't think being ^^this guy^^ is going to help me with the bitties.
Mar/105
Prank on Herby? Annex Tut … APPROVES
@TStroh421 (Tedwards for those of you without Twitter... Mooney) tweeted the deets the other morning about our favorite pitcher with an ERA of infinity getting a new room assignment. I was at work when he MMSed them to me and I couldn't spread it on the blogosphere like uberherpes. Someone else later put them on Facebook, and now I'm late to the game and sharing them with those of you that still somehow missed them. An active that was actually there can correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe the story goes that, like the rest of us, someone likes to pound on Annex doors when they're drunk and its 4am Monday morning.
So, to you, Movers of Herby's Junk, hats off. It's not that you just moved all of his shit into the hall. It's that you laid down the carpet, put up Polaroids, and (it appears) plug in his fridge/stereo. And when I guess DPS tells you to get in your room, it looks something like this:
Mar/1014
Now that we can get our Gamecubes, Natty Lites, and etc back out
The lady is gone and we can put away the doilies, you nancy boys. It's time to get back to the bro-log... That didn't work out as well as I had hoped. Images of gulags where popped collars are standard issue uniforms. Bitties would be far less prone to roam First Davis if Stalin was frat prez'ing it up.
Thanks to Claire, I was able to share the load and half halfass it up around here. I was quarterassing and letting a woman do all the work. The life, amirite? But really, she did a great job and added a whole new dimension to this blog: text. She took the Gate Formula (Lazy title + witty intro + video/image + minimal post-commentary = PROFIT, err, post) and was like, "KABLAM, I give you text." This formula is far superior to the Libra formula: "exact title of what is being posted + objective boring intro + infographic/video." And the Hamby formula has division of zero involved, so I won't even type it out so that I don't risk killing us all. Claire brought us all a bit of insight into bonin', eating, crazy ex's, and sending nekkid pix. Here are the things I'll take away from this past week:
1) Koo
2) Naked Mullen & Cat kills all future boners I get.
3) I needs a T-Rex condom.
4) More like FLAW-chart. Noone noticed the food chart was missing some arrows after "Is it raw steak?" WHERE DO I GO NEXT??
5) Transy internet hasn't changed.
The week went well, and I'm glad everyone left comments that weren't sent to my email. There will be future guest-post weeks. They may come with another milestone or when posting gets stale.
In other news, this story is too long for Twitter: I stood up from my desk today and stretched. My office window overlooks Main Street, so I take a gander outside to check on the Cheapside Park construction. The action that caught my attention was in the middle of the street though. Some man is bent over on a middle lane line, tying his shoes. He peeks behind him after he's finished then gets into a runner's stance. As soon as a red SUV approaches, he takes off and races the car to the stoplight. He lost... but his effort won my heart. He gets gold in the "holy shit, this is far more awesome than spreadsheets" Olympics. You could say he was... chasing his dreams.
Mar/108
Farewell
So technically yesterday was supposed to be my last day posting, but last night when I went to say farewell, Transy (or at least Forrer) had a sudden, and unexpected (oh, wait) internet crash, so getting anything to load would take longer than Ada getting my cheesesticks in the old 80.
Now, I doubt that I can top the last post...well, I know I can't. I mean really, a robot unicorn?. And I know that my posts haven't been on the same level as Gate, but I had fun. And I pride myself on the high number of posts that I received, regardless of the fact that many of them were Koo posting 'first' or they had nothing to do with my post. I hope that I at least provided some form of entertainment, or helpful insight. And if not, at least you had fun making a joke of me. I live to serve. After all, I am a woman. (And FYI, it's OK for me to make those jokes, not you.)
But as a final piece of womanly wisdom to bestow upon you I have this video. It's the 10 things you never knew about orgasm. If any of you know/have had Dr. Jackson, then you know how obsessed he is with TED.com. For due reason. There are some pretty bitchin' videos on there. I'm a big fan of this one. Anyways, I was going to actually post the orgasm video on here, but it's 16 minutes long, so I though I would just give you the opportunity to educate yourself if you want, and leave you with this video instead. Plus, the woman doing the talk is actually pretty funny. And there's some hilarious pig-stimulating, pig-farmer-humping action going on around 11:20. Who doesn't love pig masturbation? Classic.
Anyway, it's been a pleasure. And as a final farewell, I want you guys to know how much you mean to me. You'll love this kid.
Mar/108
Open your eyeeesss…. Your eyes are open.
RoyTwoShanks: play this game right now! http://tinyurl.com/yfj8jet might seem weird but just wait til you start.
2:22 PM Feb 27th via Echofon
I can't take any credit for this whatsoever, but I wish I could sooo hard.
That is my high score. Take note that the 38,306 was the best that Koo could do before handing the laptop back to daddy.
Don't play without the sound on either. Playing on mute is like trying to get yourself off with the back of your hands. Sure, you might get the same end result, but IWANTTOBEWITHYOU,MAKEBELIEVEWITHYOU (this analogy wasn't going anywhere).
Press Z and prepare to meet your fiery death.
Feb/105
Lookin’ like a fool with your food on the ground
So I'm taking a break. Not from blogging, even though I missed yesterday, but from sex & relationships. However, being the wealth of knowledge and wisdom that I am...ish, I've come across some information that could be infinitely useful to all of us.
Scenario: You're eating something, anything. M&M's, a hot dog, maybe some ice cream. And trying to be the smartass that you are, you decide to try to throw it up into the air and catch it in your mouth. But of course, you miss. (You're also an idiot for trying to throw ice cream into your mouth). You stare at this delectable piece of sustenance, and for a few milliseconds, you don't know what to do. Of course, people were watching you, so you're afraid you'll be judged if you just pick it up and eat it. But everyone follows the 5 second rule, which sometimes turns into the 10/20/even 30 second rule (depending on the food), so it wouldn't be that terrible, right? But should you really lick ice cream off of the floor? And, of course, you always have to consider whether or not you're a puma to fully evaluate the situation. Anyways, that's where this handy-dandy flow chart comes in. It can answer any and all of your food-hitting-the-floor conundrums.
I hope this clears up a lot of questions for everyone. I know it did for me.
image via Dan Bastin